Bowsing
by hiiii
Summary: In which Paul, Jacob, Leah, and Seth play the new Super Mario Brother's game. Rated T for language and blatant innuendos that divulge into Bowser's and Peach's *real* relationship. It's a humorous crack!fic, or is it a cracky humor!fic? Nobody knows! R&R!


**Author's Note: **Just a quick, cute little one-shot I came up with while watching my brother and his gaggle of friend play the new Mario Brothers game. Enjoy!

* * *

"Dude, you can't do that! That's is _so_ not fair!" Seth cried indignantly, shaking his Wii controller spas tactically so that he could be freed.

"Yes, it is. There are no rules in video games." Paul countered, not even turning to look at Seth, eyes glued to the TV instead.

"Yeah, but you just threw me into the fucking lava!" he said angrily, cheering slightly when he was back in the game.

"So, it was teamwork, wasn't it?" asked Paul, "I threw you in the lava so I could jump on that turny-thingy and get away from Dry Bones. A noble sacrifice, in my opinion."

"That's not teamwork, that's—"

"Would you all stop bickering?" grumbled Leah, "I'm already at the edge of the screen and your just lingering back there. I'm not gonna wait much longer."

"Sorry, Lee." Seth apologized, moving the joystick to the left so Toad would catch up with Mario. "It was all Paul's fault, anyways. He threw me in the lava so I died. but then I was reincarnated—"

"Yes, we know." said Jacob, "We could all hear your little lover spat from all the way over there. Hell, I'm pretty sure that all the neighbor's could here you shrieking 'Foul!' from miles away..."

Seth colored slightly, "Shuddup, you, or I'll chuck you into the lava. See how you like it."

Jacob snorted, "I'd like to see you try. Luigi would kick your little Toadette's ass."

"That's not Toadette. It's Red Toad. And Paul has Blue Toad."

"Are you sure?" asked Jacob, squinting at the tiny characters on the screen. "I don't think so. That's a pretty pink-ish red, if you ask me."

Leah snickered, "Out of all the characters, it would be _you_ who picks the only female one." she sniped.

"Shuddup, Lee." he snapped, "It's not like Toadette actually looks much like a girl, anyways..."

"Maybe she's a hermaphrodite." Paul supplied helpfully.

"Yeah," agreed Jacob, "Toadette the hermaphrodite."

Leah seemed to be laughing harder now, "So you picked the dike character—that's even worse." she choked out between a fit of giggles.

"Shut up, Leah, and pay attention." said Jacob seriously, "We're about to go to Bowser's lair."

"Oooh, scaaaaary." said Paul, examining the medieval type backdrop with child-like glee, "You better watch out for all the ghosties and ghoulsies, guys—or they'll get you!"

"Yes, I'm very scared." Leah deadpanned, "I'm fearless against an army of bloodsucking leeches, but terribly afraid of a fake ghost. You've figured out one of my greatest fears. Congrats."

"What are some of the others?" Paul asked, curious.

"Seth's room."

"Hey—it's not that bad!" Seth protested, turning away from the game to glare angrily at his sister.

"Yes it is." they all replied in unison.

"Seriously dude, you have a Domino's box from three months shoved under you bed, amongst _god-knows-what_—that should be the first sign that something's wrong." Paul added.

"Paul!" Jacob yelped, "Pay attention! You just lost your propeller-hat-thingy!"

"What?" Paul muttered distractedly, "I lost my flying power, you said? NO! Now I'm nothing, nothing I say! Oh, wait—I got a fire power. It's all good."

Leah rolled her eyes at Paul's antics, mumbling 'idiot' under her breath.

"I heard that!" hollered Paul, not turning away from the TV, "And I resent it."

"Fucking hell!" Seth shouted, "There's a shitload of the spiky ball thingies falling from the sky and—holy crap!—they're exploding! How is that even possible?"

"Oops." said Leah, offhandedly. "I died. Shit—that was my last one, too. Oh well, looks like you're all gonna have to carry on without me."

"I'm sure we'll be able to make it," said Seth, "you were more of a hindrance then a help, anyways."

"Shuddup." said Leah, whacking Seth in the face with one of the pillows.

"Ow, Lee—now look what you've done! You made me die!" whined Seth.

"I'm sure they'll be able to make it," parroted Leah, "you were more of a hindrance then a help, anyways."

"Don't you go and use my own words against me. I should—"

"For god's sake, would you two _shut-up_." pleaded Jacob. "We're at the last level."

"Fine." said Leah, "Your such a kill joy."

"Shuddup, Leah." repeated Jacob, "I'm trying to concentrate."

"Shuddup, Leah." mocked Leah in nasally voice that sounded nothing like Jacob's, "I'm trying to concentrate."

"Do you have to be so immature all the time? You need to—"

"Oh. My. _GOD_!" yelled Paul suddenly, "Shuddup, _please_, we're about to go battle Bowser."

"Fine, then." said Leah, watching as Toad and Luigi did a tag-team duel against Bowser. Paul shot a few fireballs at him and he fell into the lava, screaming about revenge as he left. Then credits scrolled down the screen.

"After four hours of non-stop playing, that's all that happens?" Pauls asked, staring open-mouthed at the screen.

"Bit anti-climactic, if you ask me." agreed Jacob. "But, we killed Bowser. Finally!

Silence, then: "Bowser's a miserable old fuck, isn't he?"

"It's probably because he could never get laid," said Seth.

"Neither could you, but you don't go around terrorizing the townspeople and kidnapping princesses, right?" asked Leah.

"Only first thing in the morning if I haven't had a cup of coffee."

"That settles it, then."

"Think about it like this, though," said Paul, "Maybe Bowser's not doing all this _because_ he couldn't ever get laid, maybe he's doing it _to get_ laid."

"What—terrorizing the townsfolk?"

"No," said Paul, "kidnapping Princess Peach."

"Oh, yeah." said Seth, thinking it over. "I always thought there relationship was all about sex."

"Not sex," piped up Jacob from his place on the couch, "Just fucking—pure, physical fucking."

"It's pretty obvious now that I think about it," said Leah, "because 'bowsing' is a term for a very vulgar sex act—So, y'know—bowsing; Bowser."

"I'm kinda scared that you know what bowsing is." admitted Seth truthfully.


End file.
